October 6, 2010

From The TMI Files...

So, as we all know...there are certain times in a woman's life when she has NEEDS...
real NEEDS...
that can ONLY be satisfied with...{Get your minds out of the gutter!}

something salty...
something crunchy...
something chocolate...
something spicy...
something sweet....
or, a small yappy dog
{if they can't out run me and would go good with Campfire sauce!}

I recently had one of those, shall we say, "panic attacks"...
I HAD to have something sweet...STAT!
And I had NOTHING in the house...
{well, some chicken breasts all covered with icicles, but that's another story!}
I overturned chairs...
rooted under the bed...
checked my car truck...
zip, zilch, nada!

You know how we all have the angel on one shoulder
and the devil on the other...both wanting to influence our actions?
Well, on this day, my angel was apparently taking a siesta and all I
had was a rather chubby and devilish thing...who was so busy working
on a turkey leg that she could barely be bothered to whisper,
"Wait...remember when you bought that gingerbread house kit...on
clearance from Walmart...like, TWO years ago???!!!"


{hey, don't judge... I need to be motivated to take on a major construction
project...the time has just not been right!}

BINGO! Candy!

{but if you do...prepare to lose a hand, girl!}

Alas, this picture does not capture the gnaw, gnaw, gnaw marks on the
plastic wrappers! {think Jaws & Cujo... then ramp it up a notch!}

Look at that smile...poor little guy...never knew what hit him!
Ommmmmm, nommmm, nommmmmmmm!

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, nooooooooooooooooooooo! Where's my upper
thigh?" {unfortunately, it has taken up residence on MY upper thigh!}

Some things looked a tad suspect...spots? Oh, well, I am from hearty pioneer
stock {did your parents ever say that?! ;} so, I ate 'em anyway and I lived to
write about it!

OK...I drew the line at the icing...proud of me aren't you?!
But did go riiiiiiiight after those gumdrops! Sure they were a smidge
on the cheeeeewy side...but I have always been a big fan of the JuJu Bee...
and who needs those pesky old fillings anyway!

Oh! Come on! Those peppermint candies are perfectly fine!
They could withstand a nuclear winter...
tasty too!

OK...I'm only human! And a girl human too...sometimes my
hormones do things that make me do things that wild horses
couldn't drag me away from!

And I threw it all out today...so, again...don't judge!
{well, I kept the gumballs and the Spree-looking things,
because, really, come onnnnnnnuhhhhh...they're still good!}

{if you're not too scared of me now...}


  1. Oh my hilarious! Desperate times calls for desperate measures my friend. Ya do what ya gotta do. This is just the best. The pictures your description. You are the best!

  2. Of course I can SO RELATE..however I don't have any gingerbread houses around...BUT did find a bag of chocolate chips...not quite what I wanted...
    I sure had a good laugh with you!
    deb :)
    p.s. you are BRAVE!!!

  3. Oh I am laughing so hard! That was hysterical! Love the way you write, and I love the way you think. You just reminded me that I have a gingerbread house kit somewhere that has been put up with the Christmas decor for the last 2 years. Now I know what to do when I have one of those attacks! I'll think of you while I'm hanging over the toilet after eating 2 yr old candy! laurie

  4. OMG! That is TOO, TOO funny!!! But, been there, done that! And when the need strikes, anything is fair game!!

  5. You're a crack-up! I've been in exactly that same desperate hormonal condition. You know when you are trying to open some obscure treat you've found and those darn wrappers are impossible to open and you try to tear it and then you bite it and finally you just have to stab it with the nearest sharp object. Wait, that may have just been me.

  6. LOL! You need a stand up routine! I can't sleep but at least you can make me laugh.

  7. Do I spy sweet tarts? Oh, man. They don't go bad. Hope you got to suck on those a little. Yum! And now, I am craving something sweet. You ARE my sista! ~Mindy

  8. I have to admit I've done the same thing...only I ate the cookie not the candy. After two years it was surprisingly tastey, and I lived to tell the tale.
    You tell it much better than me though...hehe.

  9. Laughed up tears!! So funny!! I have had the same problem!! Something sweet or bust....a can of condensed (yummooo) milk was my victim!! LOL

  10. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha O my i needed to read that this morning feeling low i was and that has just made me laugh so much, brilliant. ;-)) Dee

  11. I was in fits of laughter reading your post. Funniest post I have read in a long time. I so know what you were going through.

  12. How funny!
    I love this post it had me laughing from the start to finish especially the little guy who never knew what hit him haha,
    Love Kristina x

  13. Princess M -
    ROFL!! That's right... rolling on floor laughing!! You have done exactly what ALL of us have done and kept quiet about for years... it's time to come out of the closet... with forgotten/hidden food/sugar in hand and admit that "I'm a food scavenger!" (I now have a Walgreens, just a corner away from our condo, and yes it's open 24 hours, so I can throw a coat on over my PJs and hop in the car and be in the land of cheap chocolate and sugar in a matter of moments!)

    AHHHhhhh I feel so much better now! Thanks!!! But I'll be keeping my eye open for clearance gingerbread house kits from now on...
    Hugs, still the Princess Sherry

  14. Girl, you are my people! As long as it's not so old that the wrapper won't come off...it's fair game (kinda like the 3 second rule)!
    P.S. Who was the fool who said a girl can't be witty, smart, pretty AND funny! He was wrong!

  15. Your pictures certainly tell the story.

  16. Too Funny !!! It could have been worse. You could have picked the OLD candy off of a Finished gingerbread house !!! Not that I ever knew anyone who would do that.............lol !!!

  17. I remember those sweet salty craving days but they were back in the 70's and for a totally different reason. LOL. I've given gingerbread houses as gifts, never made one. Hmmmm, Jennifer jennsthreegraces

  18. Oh my goodness, this is hilarious!! I love it and can so relate. Found your blog while searching for more info on Life Beautiful magazine. It took me to your October 2009 post and then I was hooked on your gorgeous blog.

    Looking forward to visiting.

  19. You are sooo cute...there are days when I feel just like that! The other day I made cookies and ate them for dinner and breakfast...I was so mad at myself.

    Fall hugs to you. xoxoxo

  20. Why am I not the least bit suprised at this post? I'm sure those gumballs have turned into jawbreakers by now. Don't do it!


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